“As you have the nicest one and the biggest you get to sit at the very front, in the corner”, said the woman leaning over me looking into my lap. I could hear the ghost of Sid James laughing in my ear.

K and I had wondered if we should turn up at all. The second wedding of one of K’s friends was supposed to be a low key affair and the space for friends to attend had been limited to standing room only at the back. Driving through the sleet we both thought about just turning around. I had only met the bride once and K only knew a handful of the people invited but, in the end, we decided to push on.

The wedding was in a red brick Elizabethan mansion built by Thomas Dolman, a member of an old Yorkshire family, who had settled in the area as a clothier and, having made a fortune, retired to live as a country gentleman. Clearly this wasn’t a popular move with the townsfolk who said of it :

Lord have mercy upon us, miserable sinners,
Thomas Dolman has built a new house
And has turned away all his spinners.

I’d wondered about bringing a camera with me, and if I did just which one to use. In the end I settled for the Nikon and the external flashgun, as much as I dislike using it. My plan had been to take a few informal pictures and perhaps get one framed to give as a wedding present. The bride and groom had other ideas and that’s how the Registrar came to be telling me, as the formal photographer, where to stand for the best shots.

“During the service no one can take ANY pictures apart from him”, she said pointing at me. All eyes turn my way and people start to mutter, “Just who is he ?”. I stand there and wonder just how I had been voted to be the official recorder of the day.

I take a few frames then notice the Health and Safety notice on the far wall between the bride and groom which will be in very shot. There’s nothing for it. I take a step to the left to hide it behind the groom’s head and decide it’s best to worry later if I’m standing on the four year old boy at my side.

The service is a blur. I try to take all the stock shots the professional photographer would have taken and pray the batteries in the flash will last as the spares are the other side of the room.

At the end of the service they both thank me for doing it and everyone goes to the reception. Apart that is from K and me who weren’t invited.

We head swiftly to the pub on top of the downs to watch the snow, drink a very well needed pint of beer and wonder if that really did just happen.